It's been a while

So, those of you who read my other blog, you already know whats going on with my thyroid. But for you "cancer blog purists", here it is.

I have hypothyroidism. I am low on Thyroid. Which seems funny, cause it was an 'enlarged' thyroid that got us here in the first place. The blood test confirmed that I am low, but the ultra sound came back clear, so no other problems. Good. I have been on the hormone Levothyroxin for about a month now, and honestly, not much has changed. I have noticed a little more energy during the day at work. Meaning, I am not falling asleep at my computer all day. Other than that, I just feel good. Which I will take.

The doctor wants me to get my blood drawn again to make sure the levels are good (they don't want to be giving me too much of the hormone either) and I think I will do that Thursday.

When they called to tell me the results of that first blood test they assured me that this was normal, and something they saw a lot in younger Hodgekins Disease patients, so there was nothing to worry about. Just medication for the rest of my life. I was a little bummed by this at first, but now it seems like every other person I talk to has the same thing. Some people have been on the same meds for like 25 years. And the prescription is only $4, so I can't really complain.

Well, that is the update. Thanks for coming by every now and again to check up on me. If you have any questions or you just want to talk, I am always up for the spontaneous phone call or email.

I'm sorry, what?

I had a follow-up appointment to go over my latest scan the other day. Mostly, it went well. The mass in my chest (which, by the way, I didn't know was even still there) is getting smaller, which is good, and the scan didn't show anything abnormal. In fact, the technician actually said in the summary that everything showed good improvement for my type of cancer. That is good. I am happy.

At the very beginning of the "physical" portion of the appointment my doctor says, "have we talked about your thyroid being enlarged?" "Um, no." "Ok, well, your thyroid is enlarged." Yeah, I think I got that. "What does that mean?" "Could be nothing. We will run your levels to see."

Now, my mom has an enlarged thyroid that is nothing. My aunt had hers out and it turned out to be nothing. I have heard of several family instances of this. I am not really "worried" but at the same time I am. Cause that's what I do. I worry. Plus. I have seen the scars that result from having this removed. You look like Frankenstein's Monster. Just add the bolts on the side of your neck. I should not be worried about scars anymore, I have enough of them. And that is really only half of it. What if there is really a problem with my thyroid and I have to do treatment again? It makes me sick just to think about it. And scared. I think I am more scared of this being something big than I was after my first scan. I can see this coming. And do lots of worrying. How about someone worry for me, so I can take a break for a while.

It should be mentioned that I got a call from Dr. Harker (the oncologist) yesterday night and he did it again, "Did we talk about doing an ultrasound on your thyroid?" Pause. "No." "Ok, I would like to have that done at your convenience." Great. "Someone from the office should call you tomorrow to schedule that." And no one did. And no one will till Monday. More time for Lena to worry. Oh, and I have low potassium, which is why I have been getting SEVERE cramps in my feet when I stretch the wrong way. Bring on the bananas! And, as Grandpa told me, the avocados, which have like 3x as much potassium as bananas. I may just get an over the counter supplement. I suck with adding stuff to my diet.

Ok, there it is. Nothing yet, but potentially, well, nothing, but something. Oh well.

I have a CT scan next month, I think its the 14th. I am not looking forward to it. But strangely enough, since I just watched Nik go through a colonoscopy and endoscopy, I feel like I can do this. Like there is nothing to worry about, and that Nik will be there for me, just like he always has been. I am not nearly as stressed as I was when they told me I had to switch scans. But then, I do still have a couple weeks, and that leave plenty of time to worry. Also, my friend Amanda at work, told me that one of the Discovery Channel's is doing a special on Anxiety. And she looked at the TV and said "Hey! That's Lena!!" Thanks Amanda. But yes, Lena is full of anxiety. I wish there was something I could do to snap myself out of it, but it seems like no matter how far I think I have come, I still relapse. I might need some professional help before we have kids. Strike that, I WILL need some professional help before we have kids.

Ok, well, there you go. Scan on the 14th. Then follow up on the 27th. Pray that the scan is clear!

Well....

So today was my first "check up" since finishing my treatments. Here's what I thought about it:

The smell of the place made me a little sick and I spent the whole time sucking on Jolly Ranchers.

The whole thing reminded me that I am not done yet. I have spent this time thinking that I am out of the woods, and it was just smooth sailing from here. Going back to that place reminded me that I am not there yet.

Dr. Harker told me that they are not satisfied with the results of the PET/CT's (not just in me, but in general) and he is recommending that I have regular CT scans instead. For the rest of the time. I don't know if I wrote about how much I HATED the first CT scan I had, but, I HATED it. Like with the firey passions of hell. I would rather do just about anything else. I have to drink twice as much contrast and then they give me an injection that sends me in to a panic attack. It's bad. I am so not happy about this.

I got an immediate reaction to my hair from the lady that used to schedule my appointments. I was glad she remembered me, cause I didn't get to see many of my old nurses, and the one I saw didn't remember me. :(

Dr. Harker said I looked really good and he didn't see or feel anything he shouldn't. Also, my blood work was clear.

I was glad to see the fish were the same in the waiting room. So was Nik. We spent a few minutes looking for our favorites, and admiring the new additions. They took out the tank from the treatment room (apparently just a couple weeks ago), but we weren't too upset about that, it was not as cool of a tank.

Progress

For everyone who has not seen me in a couple months (or at all), here is a current picture. Taken last night. Notice the faux-hawk.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

“Life is like an old-time rail journey – delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”