I got to talk to one of my new cancer friends today. Face to face. She came in to work with her mom and we talked for about half and hour in the break room. It was so strange relating everything that I have been through so far. Especially knowing that she is just beginning the process. I remember being so scared, but not knowing what to do about it. Crying didn't seem to be the answer, but it happened anyway. Getting mad didn't seem to help either. Neither did feeling sorry for myself. So I was just stuck. Feeling like something was wrong, but not knowing what to do about it. I could see that in her eyes. The desperation, the confusion. I hope I was able to help her.
I was amazed to realize what I had already been through. Telling her what to expect made me realize what I had survived. At the beginning I was so nervous about the treatments that I could think of nothing else. Then I was so overwhelmed by the side effects, I thought I would never see the end. Now I take the treatments in stride (I don't LIKE them by any means, but I have accepted that they happen) and most of my more pesky side effects have tapered off. I still get bone pain and jaw pain (both of which made a more prominent appearance this time), but the mouth sores are completely gone. And I usually feel better by after lunch the Wednesday after a treatment. I feel so much stronger than I thought I would at this point. Or ever. I thought that by the time I was half way I would be just a shell of my former self, having been through so much. But I feel like this has all been for a reason. That I have made it this far for a purpose and that I have much to accomplish yet.
It is a good feeling.